Core Values: Be Responsible

Knights of Heroes is an adventure camp in the mountains of Colorado for sons and daughters of fallen soldiers. Boston and I have been attending this camp  for the past 11 years, and are now mentors. We accredit the incredible program for putting us on the path to true manhood. Knights of Heroes' five core values of teaching are from the following mission statement, found on their website:

"Knights of Heroes objectives include teaching children to be responsible, proactive, boundless, bold, and to exercise leadership while rejecting immorality, substance abuse, infidelity, and a sense of entitlement."

These five core values are instilled in the young men and women campers every day, in order to teach them what being a real man or a real woman looks like in a world of phonies. Each day this week, we're going to take a deeper look into one these traits.

The first post, on being Responsible, is written by USAF Col. (Ret.)  Jim Ravella.

         Jim currently serves as a Senior Vice President for Folds of Honor, a non-profit charity whose mission is to raise educational funds for fallen and wounded soldiers' families. Colonel Ravella is a 1983 graduate of Texas A&M and served over 26 years in the USAF as an F-15E pilot with over 3700 hours.  He has commanded at the Squadron and Group levels.  

        In his time in the Air Force, he earned multiple Top Gun Awards, the Meritorious Service Medal, Legion of Merit, and was selected to attend Command and General Staff College. He also served as the Air Force's first F-35 Operations Group Commander, responsible for the bed down and execution of over $450M of construction projects. 

          After losing his wife Andrea Ravella to a 4 and a half year long battle with breast cancer, he married Ginger Gilbert-Ravella, widow of Major Troy Gilbert, and adopted my brother, three sisters, and me. He, along with his new wife, authored their new book, Hope Found: When Life Isn’t All You Hoped It Would Be. God Is.

 The following is his take and experience on the value of being responsible.

RESPONSIBILITY

There are several types of responsibility: moral, social, and corporate. But the most important one is personal responsibility. It defines who you are as a person and filters into every aspect of your life.  Without it, you will never be respected as a person and you will never be a true leader.  

Being personally responsible is the culmination of thousands of small daily decisions you make everyday.  These sometimes seemingly insignificant decisions are actually critical building blocks to the person you will become. 

There is a saying, that the only thing for sure in life is death and paying taxes.  I would add one more certainty in life; we will all make mistakes.  Making mistakes is something we all do, but how you respond in that moment is what distinguishes maturity.  Every time you make the hard choice to accept responsibility, you add a brick to the foundation of your character.  But in that moment, there is always an excuse ready to leap form our mouth.  “It’s not my fault,” seems to be words that are ever ready on the tip of our tongue. The other option, and the more difficult in the moment, but far better in the long run, is to take responsibility for your actions. But the words “It was my fault” never seem as easy to say.  

Responsibility is defined as the opportunity or ability to act independently and make decisions without authorization.  We all desire to have the freedom that comes with this definition of responsibility to make our own decisions. To be trusted by our boss, or our parents our co-workers and our friends.  To be respected for who we are and what we do.   But this only comes when we accept accountability in our life and take responsibility for the decisions we make.  Not just in our successes but more importantly in our failures.  

We all hid from our parents when we did something wrong as a child. It’s our natural tendency to avoid consequences in life.  No one wants to be punished.  My father was an Air Force pilot and I remember when I was around 10 years old my brother and I were out walking on base and we had wandered on to the runway.  We kept hearing a whistle and soon realized it was the base police running after us.  They put us in the back of the police car and drove us to our home.  I remember being so scared of what was going to happen that I ran into the house and hid under my bed.  I just wanted this to all go away and for no one to ever find me. I feared the consequences when my dad got home.  The last thing I wanted I to do was to take responsibility for my actions, because there is a fleeting feeling of relief when we don’t pay for something we did.  But at what cost?  Each time we avoid responsibility we lose a little of our character.  There has to be a time in life when we transition from trying to get away with something to taking responsibility for our actions.  This happens when you realize the price you are paying to avoid accountability is higher than the consequences you are trying to avoid, and the currency you are paying with is your character. 

True personal responsibility is when you have the maturity, the moral courage, and strength to look at yourself in the mirror or stand before your peers and admit you made a mistake.  This is the moment you decide it’s not worth giving up the person you want to be to avoid the consequences of your actions.

We have to understand that the end goal of accountability is not punishment but improvement.  I’m not saying there should not be consequences for our actions. That is a crucial part of accountability, but consequences cannot be seen as the end state. The ultimate goal of responsibility and accountability is to become the best you can be.  

As a fighter pilot in the U.S. Air Force, we spend countless hours debriefing our flights.  You could fly for one hour and debrief for eight hours.  We went over every detail of the flight from planning the day prior to shutting down the engines at the end.  We would review tapes frame by frame until we identified the “root cause” of any error.  I have to admit there were times when it was past midnight and I was ready to go home, but what drove us was the constant desire to be the best we could be.  The squadron shared this commitment because we knew one day our survival in combat would be dependent on one another. That commitment to excellence did not mean our commitment was to perfection, but for the pursuit of perfection.  And being accountable and willing to take responsibility for our actions, to stand up and say you made a mistake, is what enabled us to become the best Air Force in the world.  

In the end, we all need this mentality in our life: Freedom to be held accountable and the drive to be personally responsible in order to reach our true potential as a person.  Responsibility is not something to fear, or hide from. It is something to desire and to pursue in every aspect of your life. It is a life long journey to become your best and it starts with the decision to become personally responsible.