Confessions and Getting Back.

By Greyson Gilbert

I sit here in this booth at the dining hall on campus in reflection and confession. Yesterday was our Dad's birthday, he would have been 46, and it got me thinking.

I think about where I am now, a college student in Clemson, South Carolina. I think about my day to day. Some days, I feel swamped and busy, running across town between school and work and commitments, late to everything with the sole aim of surviving the day. Some days, chemistry lab kicks me while I'm already down and I question if I will ever really have to know how to titrate an acidic solution or precipitate an ionic compound. For the amount of time and effort I put into this stuff, is it worth it? I was talking with a friend and he said going through officer training was similar. "They give you 15 hours of work and see if you can do it in 8."

Things that I have heard from mentors over the years and have echoed on this website run through my mind: Prioritize and execute. Discipline equals freedom. Do the hard thing. You regret what you don't do more than what you do. The journey. The push.
Some days, my life doesn't feel very epic or worthy, and I feel like I am slowly losing a grip on the very things Boundless Company was built on: Discipline, Adversity, and the pursuit of being more than average.

In the striving, I lose sight of what really matters. But at the same time, I seem stray off the war path and fall into rhythms of lethargy. How do you balance school, work, ministry, health, and relationships without over stretching yourself to the point that you accomplish none of the above effectively? How do you say no to things so that instead of half doing a million things, you can fully do one at a time?

Ultimately, when I sit here like this questioning myself, I have to detach and take a step back. Out of the chaos that is running through my mind, I observe these things:

1. Peoples expectation's do not matter. Naturally, I fear disappointing people. I tend to be the yes man that then proceeds to overbook his calendar, out of this very fear, and end up still doing the very thing I hate. My cup is empty and then I end up most disappointing myself. It's a vicious cycle that leads to break down, instead of first taking care of the personal battles I need to deal with before stepping out to others. I think of the famous Dr. Seuss quote, from which I think, with the right perspective, a valuable truth can be found: "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

The other day, I wrote a contract in my journal. I won't go into details, but essentially it outlines things I have been wrestling with and things that I plan on changing from here on out. For me, it marked a point in time, a goal, and a decision. Recently, I have been operating majority on fleeting feelings, and I felt that had to change. Everyone strays at times, and it was time for me to get back to the roots. Which leads me to my second observation.

2. Heritage is a most valuable thing. Going to college can be characterized as a stepping out. You're beginning an education of your choice, living with new people apart from your family, and you are fully responsible for your own time, priorities, and choices. You are, to some extent, the blazer of your own trail. Personally, I believe it is important to step into your own: your life is no longer directly dictated by your parent's choices. You, kind of, finally become you. Or at least you gain a greater freedom of expression.

That being said, Heritage is a most valuable thing. I found myself going day to day and not even thinking about where I came from. My story,  my journey. We are not made to dwell in the past, but by looking back at where we came from, we can be reminded of those who have fought for us and we can find reason to continue this fight, for those that come after.

Knights of Heroes is the camp for children of fallen soldiers, in Colorado, that we have spoken much about on here. At Knights of Heroes, first year campers receive at the end of the week their own family crest, along with country of origin and a description of the meaning behind their surname, all framed in a beautiful piece of art. This gift serves as a reminder of their heritage: where they came from and where there going. Maybe we should all have a "family crest" (whether its actually a family crest or some kind of image, object, or written contract) that marks a point in time. Something that you can look back to and be reminded of what is important in life.

No more empty promises or fleeting feelings of of reminiscence. This, I believe, is key.